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The EYes and the HEART

Eyes can be so deceiving

But the Heart, even more so

I trust my sight… or rather my eyes

If my eyes aren’t impressed enough

all you would get to see is my back, instead of my attention

When my eyes meet you,

you better be as cute as my niece or nephew

or you make the first best impression

otherwise you’ll be a memory that never got refreshened

Now these Eyes are weak too

Sometimes they get distracted and trapped

They would see, then pause and then they would LOOK

That’s when they like what they’re looking at

And this is when it becomes a little too dangerous

When these eyes get to like someone or something,

They give them the key to access the most sacred and fragile places of all;

The Heart.

Oh dear.

All trouble starts, ends and happens with the Heart

The Heart develops desire

Out of desire grows lust, coveting, and at times love

Before you know it,

both the Eyes and the Heart have become two Great Fools

from once perfect Protectors, Judges and Warriors

Eyes begin to lose that independent, lustrous focus

And now….

All that the Eyes see is controlled and manipulated by the Heart

It’s now all about what the Heart feels

If the Heart is in love with that person or that thing

The Eyes will never ever see fault with any of that

Not ever. It just won’t make sense to the Eyes

And the world would say love is blinding you

or…it’s an ‘obsession’… or some ‘infatuation’…

But Hate can do the same to the Eyes

If the Heart is in pain and bitterness on someone

It won’t matter what they do or what they wear

Eyes will just reject that ‘someone’ all the time

 

eyes and heart

I fear for the Eyes

For they always see things… many things…

Eyes have got this Grand opportunity;

To get past the things they see… or pass them to the Heart

Unfortunately, their discernment is always limited

Eyes don’t know who and what is best for them by just looking

Eyes do not get to know the inside of what they see by just looking

Eyes are always vulnerable to Deception..

They laugh with and befriend the goodlooking, and the Rich looking

but laugh at and unfriend the ugly looking, and the poor looking neighbour

Eyes will always fail to differentiate

what’s beautiful and blessing from what’s beautiful and cursing

Eyes are unable to see what is beyond the horizon

And this leaves everything to the Heart

The mother of it all

If the Heart fails, we all fall

For the Heart sees what Eyes can’t see

The Heart can be so strong and yet so weak

If the Heart is broken even the eyes lose its vision

When the Heart is trapped, there is no getting out

What is even worse with the Heart

is that it leaves it’s own residence and goes into another’s residence

it slowly searches until it finds another’s Heart

and these two Hearts connect and become ONE

Even when another’s heart wants off…

This one Heart will hardly let go…

Even if it tries to let go…willingly or forcefully…

It will not be as it was, before it left it’s own residence

It will have bled… torn into pieces as it was trying to part ways..

For it To be Whole again…

It Will require Grace.

 

 

Prov 4:23

Guard your HEART above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

(Your Heart is your most precious place and you must guard it yourself… being mindful of what enters and leaves out of it.. observe a watchful gatekeeper and you’ll understand your role. Be vigilant with your heart. Don’t be deceived.)

Prov 3:5

Trust in the LORD with all your HEART; do not depend on your own understanding.

(We can’t trust ourselves with our hearts for we are weak as we rely on our mere Eyes that welcome all desires of which some are in vain… We can only trust the Lord God with our hearts… and not just a part of it… but ALL of the HEART!!)

Prov 23:26

My son, give me your HEART and let your EYES delight in my ways,

(Don’t give anyone your heart… Be sure for it to be broken if you do so… It will be broken either out of love or other reasons… Your heart is only safe with God.. He created it and you altogether… He knows best how to handle that fragile heart… Just trust Him with it as above… He won’t let you down.. even if he would.. it would still be better off to be broken by him rather than by men)

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean HEART, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.

(How can we restore and repair our hearts after they’re messed up and in pieces?? I said it can’t just happen without Grace. This is the plead to Grace that I am talking about.)

Philip. 4:7

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your HEARTS and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

(I know being a watchman to your own heart can be tough. How do you detect what is to enter and not to enter? How do you discern what is going to break your heart and what is going to flourish your heart? It’s tough for you to guard it right without the right weapon, CCTV and all required signals… The PEACE of GOD is your guarding engine. When His peace speaks you know your heart is safe… if the peace of God ain’t there… then my friend… you better run for your life!!! lol)

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Do Not Despair – Dum Spiro Spero

It’s quite a while since I last watched anything… on TV or movie… 

I said I would watch one episode of Designated Survivor today evening… My little brother had put some of these episodes in my laptop in the last 2 months and I completely forgot all about it. I am somewhere on episode 7 of season 1. Great progress I suppose..

But instead, I had a phone call on my way home and on that call I was assigned some task that has been putting me in front of my laptop for the last 2 hours and a half… And as I lied exhausted on the couch after i was done submitting that task…. Just as I want to watch me some episode…. a blog post title comes into my head like some old landline phone ringtone. 

I just had to come write. 

Yes. Do not D-e-s-p-a-i-r.

Every single day… Even as I accomplish something, there is always going to be something left unattended… Either a task or a person. And that would eat me up inside sometimes..

If I ever clear 100% of my long to-do list… which happens occasionally and it’s always worth celebrating… Then I will have forgone eating or my sleep or calling my mum back in the process of doing so.

May be this isn’t so bad after all. 

There are days where as ambitious as I would wake up… I would end up doing nothing… planned nor unplanned… 

Some days it’s like the person who slept the night before with lots of hope and anticipation is different from the one you woke up with. 

You’d sleep roaring as a Lion but wake up as some Lizard…just hanging around in places where you’re not wanted and doing nothing but showing up… 

I don’t know why I picked a lizard though..😂

Still, I don’t Despair.. 

I know this is an ugly situation where no one wants to find self into…

But sometimes we look for reasons to despair. 

We COMPARE a lot.

Scrolling through Instagram, WhatsApp, Facebook and procrastinating… Looking at all the things we don’t have, people we do not know, and especially those we know… And we will pause when we get there…

We flip through the pictures closely… We read all of their long posts… We judge them silently..  We like or dislike their posts at heart… We laugh at their jokes… We wow them! We ask oirselves questions about them when we know we don’t have the answers… We wonder… And we’ll make sure they never know we did all of the above… We will not like, nor comment… Some don’t even know that we are live on social media…

‘Oh wow, she dressed so beautifully on her bridal shower:

‘Wow, He’s got a new job. It must be a huge promotion for him.’

‘How do people get to party and spend like this when I’m so broke and busted??’

‘Oh shame, she lost her mum.. God see her through’

‘Wow, these guys seems so in love with each other. Their posts are full of praise for each other. It’s the perfect couple ever. I wonder if there’s still true love left for me out there.’

‘Oh man, everyone is travelling the world except me…’

Etc. Etc. Etc.

And all these will happen silently but will have left our hearts, emotions, and thinking greatly displaced at times.

It’s Ok to scroll, to look, to learn and be informed… But when you find yourself at point of involvement… Where you feel better off or worse off as a result of looking or reading… Then right there my friend you’re COMPARING yourself with that person. 

And that is harmful for it is the source of despair. 

Don’t compare experiences… Unless you’re sure it is you getting better..  Like I could compare my previous dish of fried chicken that was done 3 month ago and the one I tried again yesterday and I could see a lot of improvements… 

But don’t compare your ex-boyfriend and your current husband… Or your mum and your mother in law. No. You’ll be in despair before you know it…

Same for the days of our lives..  

Today ain’t like yesterday… Even if you have a completely rountined life, every minute and hour… You still have a choice to live and experience each day differently. 

We must train ourselves to explore every experience, every person, and every day the same way new born babies explore their day to day from when they start to exist…

Unfortunately we want to know everything, we think we know everything and we are discouraged when we realize we don’t know everything.

Let’s be like babies.

We plan, yes we do. 

We try our best to work on our plans, that’s great..

But when things don’t work out… Let’s pause to learn before we resume differently…

Even when we feel we haven’t achieved anything… We shouldn’t despair. At least we’re still breathing. We got another day to try wake up and make up… 

And often times we miss it, we mess it up, or fall flat… Still.. Do not Despair. There is mercy, there is forgiveness, and there is God, who is Love. 

Keep saying this:

Dum Spiro Spero – While I breathe, I hope

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Birthdays… Should They Be a Big Deal?

Birthdays never meant anything to me until when I was in my teen years. 

In fact I never knew my birth date until when I was in grade seven. 

I recall that day as i was having a random conversation with dad and he asked me if I knew my birth date and I told him I didn’t… and he told me that it was crucial for me to have that date memorized.

I didn’t know why he said so but I obeyed anyways. I later asked mum for my birth certificate so I could get to cram the date i was born and that was it.

I never celebrated birthdays throughout my whole childhood. Neither my siblings. My parents never bothered to remember the dates either. 

And yet I never felt like anything was missing. 

There were a lot of other signs that were used to express love and care by my parents… They would get me things that I needed; like education, protection, good food, fellowship and laughter.

I never knew birthday cakes. I only knew cakes, which I would eat on any other day if I was lucky enough to get any anywhere. 

And I was okay, and I was happy. 

If there is one thing my parents taught us very well was to be content with who we are and what we had and not otherwise. 

They always never gave us everything we wanted but they gave us more than what they had. And so this has had a huge impact in my life to date..

I grew up and eventually had to learn to celebrate my birthday and the birthdays of those that I care about. I went to high school and made friends whose birthdays were celebrated since they were born. They would have pictures of their birthdays when they were 5, 6, 10 year old with a big cake and in a new outfit. 

Some would make a big deal out of it because one had forgotten their birthdays.

All this was a wonder to me. ‘Why would I care if someone didn’t wish me a Happy Birthday??.’ I wondered. But I later chose to open to new things and most importantly to accept love. 

I have a number of cards and good messages sent to me during my birthdays since when I started receiving them in junior high. I recall receiving gifts too… of different forms, some in kind treatments, like an offer to shop for a certain limit of things, food stuff, and other things…

In receiving I learned to give. 

I would also do card and gift exchange as well when it came to my friends’ birthdays… However, this never happened smoothly. Sometimes I would forget, sometimes I would be unable to afford something nicer and sometimes I would just decide to do nothing but send my wish and feel okay.  It’s something that I strive to improve everyday though.

It’s just that I wish I didn’t have to get my people so worked up to celebrate my birthday every year. They don’t have to get me a cake, a champagne or a party. 

I would be equally happy if we just had a phone conversation and you wished me so… Or if we prayed together and thank God with me… Or just have tea together.. Or go for a walk and reflect on things together… And I would be equally grateful..

Few years back, I woke up in the early morning and went to church ( it was my birthday and it fell on Sunday) and as I walked out of church I asked two friends to escort me to a wholesale shop where I bought a number of items and we drove to the Hospital and went on to spend my time of the day with children with Cancer. It was random but awesome and my friends were even more grateful to accompany me on such occasion even when they had no idea what I was up to. 

In 2015, I had a great morning with my then boss lady. She made me a yummiest breakfast, brought me big piece of cake left over from family cake, and then she held my hands and prayed for me and with me… I did weep. Out of joy. 

Another year I did run away from the cake moment at church and drove miles to have dinner with my mum at home. At least on this particular year she remembered the date and tried to do something special… And so I had to honour that… 

So it’s  quite a number  of years down the road so far…

And this time around my birthday found me in South Africa and I was so happy because I knew it would be different.

I thought this time my sister and the rest of the family wouldn’t have to stress .. My sister is the chief of family parties (most times working closely with me😊😉)

Then I thought of my other people… My team who also got worked up to surprise me with a beautiful cake last year… I didn’t want to put them through the same situation this year… And so i thought my absence would make it easy.

I had an awesome day indeed. I did have a great moment in prayer and meditation. I dressed up nicely. I did tie my hair pretty well too. And i went on celebrating myself in all i did as i always do on every other day of my life.

No cake. No party. No gifts. And mum forgot the date again until later after my sister reminded her😂… Still,  I was super happy.

And so…

I am sorry if you happen to be acquainted with me and I forget to wish you a happy birthday…. or I wish you late… Or I send you empty wishes without other surprises or gifts…

I am sorry if I fail to appear on your birthday party for some genuine reasons or for no reason at all but me thinking that my simple wish should be enough.

I just want to tell you that I still care about you and that I celebrate you everyday… Not only on your birthdays… It’s just that I do it differently and I would expect of you to appreciate that.

I am also getting better at it for the person I was before was not as considerate and as thoughtful as the person i am today…

I do get myself worked up from time to time… Especially since God granted me a niece and nephew..

So today as I went to visit my brother and his family…  They got me some ice cream and cake as a mark to celebrate my missed birthday on the 28th July when I was away…

How thoughtful of them… 

Travels

My Trip to SA – The Landing

I like to think that I am adventurous…

Perhaps because of my fantasies during my meditation and day dreaming moments where I would always see myself disappearing into places that would disconnect me from the world and connect me to my own world.

I believe this consistent desire eventually compelled my Giver of all good thing to grant me what I needed. I haven’t seen much of the world yet, but I have had amazing exploits through a bit of my travels so far.

From a local train trip in Nairobi, to underground trains in London and bullet trains in Japan,  to the cruise ship life and experience (India, Sri-Lanka through Singapore), and snorkeling in Zanzibar (where I got bitten by the sea eunuch ;-( ),  and all the plane and road trips I have had (well not so much really..but still worth it), the exclusive room service experience in some good hotels, the museums and the legendary history of some places, and most of all, the people and their culture…or rather lifestyles…

Sometimes I just want to live my life as a tourist of the world 😉 . Everything is fascinating and despite so many differences it’s interesting to actually figure out that we humans are so much alike than we think! I wish we would see each other through the eyes of our source instead of our possessions, race, religion etc.

I should get to the point anyways.

I just came back from South Africa yesterday evening. I have been there for about a month and the experience is simply unforgettable… and so, before the busiest days start to crowd me I thought of reflecting on my journey and the lessons that I could pick.

This might be some series of posts.

I suppose my content is firstly written by me for me… but is open to relate with whoever that is interested. So upon doing the reading please kindly keep the judgement to yourself… especially where you don’t concur 😉 . Thank you.

Landing in SA 

SA 1

This was my first time to SA.

Now, I know I watch Isidingo The Need and so I should have an understanding of how the country looks like in terms of its infrastructure and the setting,  of which I had… and of course I know better about the level of economic development that SA has compared to other African countries… plus I am aware of all kinds of stories about Africans who would illegally move to SA to seek better life since when I was growing up… and the fact that SA did host World Cup for heaven sake!!!

Well, not that I have been to all other countries in Africa… but I know with the exception of some Northern African countries I have had a good interaction with colleagues from Eastern, Central and some Southern African countries that got me  a certain understanding that I could relate with my country and that gave me a certain paradigm of how the entire continent looks like in terms of development except South Africa. The colleagues from South Africa that I could interact with were sort of different…

But honestly… all this didn’t sink in me until when I got to see with my own eyes. I know I looked cool outside and seemed like some experienced traveler at the airport and during the drive from the airport to the hotel but inside I wasn’t. I was in shock… I was wandering inside out! I would peek through the window to stare at the flyovers, highways and the huge road lights and the glittering city of Jo-burg and all the way to the Pretoria. My eyes could come off I tell you!lol

SA 2

I told myself… “I saw these things in London and Tokyo… but not in Africa”.. Well I understand the history of the country and the colonial powers of the Europeans that used the country’s endowed precious minerals to make the place look like one of their own but I never thought it was done to that extent.

Anyways… enough of my bewilderment. That’s how it was as I landed.

Then my questioning began.

My Africa

What is your standard if you’ve got any?

What is left of you since colonialism ended if at all it did?

What strategies did you put in place after your liberation?

Did you set standards to prosper or simply to recover?

I want to know what happened after all your children obtained independence

Did you set standards for improving your infrastructure?

How about standards to improve your people’s livelihoods?

How come I don’t see much of that when I look at you?

Well, perhaps Rwanda could be a bit of an exception.

I can’t say much about the rural areas but at least Kigali seems progressive.

Or so I hear of Mauritius and Botswana somehow…

But as for many others… including this great South Africa…

They have not surpassed the colonial standards

The biggest universities are those that were initially constructed by the colonialists

The best and spacious hospitals are those that existed before independence

So are the railways, roads, shopping malls, airports and you name it

It doesn’t end with buildings and other infrastructure

The way of schooling, curriculum, language, dressing style, eating etiquette

But I will not go that far today… we stick to the infrastructure

Developments that are made after the colonial era are there for sure

However, I question the ownership of these investments

Foreign owned? Government owned? Locally owned?

I also doubt to what standards are these creations made

Far from sophistication and innovation but with lots of corruption and politics

As I laid to sleep away my first night in the beautiful city of Pretoria and in one of good hotels in the place, which had a lot of black south African staffs (as receptionists, cleaners, attendants, drivers, waiters and waitresses) with few white staffs(In the managerial and admin roles)… I reflected… After all that Africa has gone through over the history….What is the value added by African leadership since independence towards the development and prosperity of the Africans and the continent at large? Is Africa truly liberated? Is it really free from colonialism? Does it have any standards at all? Has poverty chained it so firmly and blinded it so heavily that it cannot envision itself conquering and prospering?

Hardly did I know that the programme that took me there in the first place would unfold this questions and open my mind to a deep understanding of these things.

To be continued.

Inspirational

Consciousness

How conscious of you are you?

Often times we like to think that were in full control of our own selves.

Tell me, What drives you when you’re hungry? 

Food hungry.

What do you do when you’re hungry but got money to buy something to eat? Who’s always in control here, you or your money? 

I can recall a number of times when I would be driving home from a long day of work and I would be hungry and as long as I was sure I got money then I would stop anywhere and get me the food of my imagination only to come figure out much later that I could consider a lot other cost effective alternatives that would get me equally satisfied… Sometimes I would even refuse to accept the fact that I got food in the fridge at home. 

And how about when you’re hungry and got no dime?

Here most times I would have no choice but to be disciplined. No money no honey.

Food. Drinks. Sex. Money.

We, young, adults and old; great kings, warriors, villains to ordinary men are losing identity and self consciousness everyday over these 4 things.

We have made poor career choices based on either of the 4 instead of basing on our passion and purpose.

We have had regrettable, abusive, tormenting relationships because of either of the 4.

Friendships, Marriages, Families and Homes are broken because of these 4.

We have colonized, enslaved, and oppressed one another because of the 4.

Indeed they’re not bad in themselves and that’s why they exist in the first place but somehow mankind has failed to associate with them appropriately and as a result we got unending tragedy.

When we wake up each morning

Some think:

I must eat

I must drink up

I must shop

I must have money

I must have an intercourse

But some think:

I must live

I must be kind and do kind

My life must count

I will be conscious of my gifts and passions

I will pursue them and make a living out of it

To be full is more than to eat and get satisfied, drink until you’re high and flying, to be a billionaire or to have an orgasm

It’s more than that.

It’s to have none of them and still feel full.

It’s to have either or all of them and still be the one in charge instead of your desires.

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A Good Woman President

So this evening I went to the nearby local shop, and as I was waiting to be served, there came a little girl (perhaps about 4, or 5 or 6 years of age… I don’t know kids ages by looking at them!) to buy something too and she greeted me so respectfully and I responded with a big smile and warmth.

Then after a short silence, about one minute long of observation… she asked me “Aunty, is that your real hair?”. I said “yeah” while smiling.. and she lit up her angelic eyes and said “Wow, your hair is really long…” then she added “...and it is so beautiful aunty!”. And I smiled so big again and this time with gratitude attitude… “Thanks babe.”

As the shopkeeper talked to her, i learned that the kid’s name was Fatma. And as I left the shop walking home and thinking about Fatma, envisioning her charming cute face and compliment… I felt so good. It is these little things that we encounter and experience in our lives that make all the difference. I am always reminded to be grateful about something everyday.

And so Today, I am grateful for the little angels. The kids. I love the children. A lot. I wish we all came to realisation of how crucial that stage is in one’s life.

What are you grateful for?

I have had a long day today. I had been attending the research workshop that I was invited to in few weeks ago. The theme was about ‘Making industrialization work for socio-economic transformation’. This (Manufacturing) is one of my favourite areas of purpose and so I could not afford to miss.

The meeting was filled with a lot of scholars from various fields especially economics; policy makers including my University professors who taught me, high level officials (ministers, other political leaders, particularly our Vice president, who was the guest of honour)… and of course my colleagues and friends that I have studied (one in high school, other 3 in MA Economics class)and worked with before…

It was such an inspiring day for me because just last week I was going through some research papers on macroeconomic history of Tanzania before I found myself digging through industrialization issues again. It had been quite a long while since i looked into that area. So today my ‘wow moment’ was during the presentation by Professor Justin Lin who is ‘my best guy’ when it comes to structural transformation through industrialization. He is such a bright mind. I am a fan of his books and papers on structural transformation. Today was my second day meeting him. You can try google him.

Enough of that.

I will talk about our Guest of honour today. Since it was my first time to actually meet her and listen to her talk…. i had my own meditation of her as I was doing that.

There is something rare and special about Our vice president; She is a woman. So as she was delivering her speech, there was another woman standing behind her…. the way male bodyguards stand before the president…

Now I only see female bodyguards in movies… so this was my first time… and I couldn’t comprehend that fact easily and so I just assumed that it must be her P.A…. however she was behind our vice president the entire time and went with her wherever she went. And of course she was not in uniform. Just in some simple formal suit.

Now from observing her excellency the Vice president, I concluded that she must be such a warm, listening, supportive, and action-oriented leader.

I think she is a ‘good woman’ leader. I am not sure what kind of events that the previous vice presidents (who were all men) attended. I don’t know if they went to many women and/or children events (or any at all).. I’m not sure if the people behind these groups even bothered to invite them. I think this woman is going to get a lot of invitations from all kinds of corners…especially from great women of Tanzania. and she will of course attend to many of them.

I know men can make good leaders.

But when a ‘good woman’ is in power… she thinks development in a much broader way. A ‘good woman’ in power thinks like a ‘mother’; and whatever she leads is like her own ‘children’. You can see it from how she listens and how she takes charge.

I think she is a woman who can empower other women (just by the fact that she is in that position is already a great inspiration to most women)… and she can empower other people and institutions.

I looked at her today and I felt like this woman thinks of us, the people and her nation of Tanzania, as her own beloved little kids.

I hope I am right.

If I will be right… than I am going to get a little more ambitious.

I will want a ‘good woman’ President for Tanzania.

There are many women in Tanzania, but there are not many ‘good women’ in Tanzania… and there are a lot lesser ‘good women leaders’ in Tanzania. I hope someday we will raise the standards and turn all women into ‘good women’ and finally into ‘good women leaders’.

samia-suluhu

(Her Excellency, Vice President of Tanzania, Samia Suluhu Hassan)

 

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Saving the Best For Last? No. Don’t.

It’s 2 am. I thought I should blog before I go to sleep.

Been reading since I got back from my parents’ home. Mum had invited us home for Easter. I went with my brother and his wife. I went straight to the kitchen to assist mum with few remaining chores before we had lunch. And so I learn so much by just observing this woman;

She had cooked variety of dishes just to have us come and eat. She draws joy from doing just that.

I then noticed her packing enough food and sent for it to be delivered to Karim. I know this boy. He is a young man who lives in one of my parents’ properties for free. He has his own butcher where he sells meat and he always adds a little extra meat whenever we buy from him. My mom is always grateful for that and today she was sending the boy special food that was perfectly packaged with every kind of dish that we also ate. I saw it was a lot, for him and his family to eat.

I then saw her setting aside another packed food, and she told me that it was for her neighbour. Then I wondered… this woman never changes… she still shares food with her different neighbours every year during special holidays regardless.

Then it was finally the time to set up the table, and she would instruct me on how to prepare the plates and the rest of the dishes. I then looked at the beautiful plates that she took from the kitchen cabinet, and I was surprised at the changes.

From whence did this change?

During our childhood and all the way growing up, we were not exposed to the most beautiful utensils to use them neither to access them. Be it plates, coffee cups, spoons, hot pots, bowls etc… you would not find the beautiful dishes lying anywhere within the kitchen cabinet where we could easily access. They would be hidden somewhere and locked away with the key. We would see them only when some important guests visited our home.

I’m quite certain that this was not happening only in my house. I think it is common to most African families.

We, Africans have a way of showing kindness and making an impression to outsiders that we forget that the people who truly matters are the insiders.

You find the members of a family use plastic dishes (or sometimes they use the broken or worn out pottery dishes) for daily consumption of foods. Sometimes the meals are never all that special, and the bedsheets used would be torn, faded and worn out.

But wait for the days that some guests arrive. The outsiders. Everything changes. The dishes used to serve only them will be the best dishes you have ever seen. And you wonder whether they are just bought from the store… only to find out that they are from the same kitchen, but hidden.

Then the meals change. For once you experience a shift in the taste buds.

If those guests are to stay overnight, then the beds will have the cleanest and even new bedsheets that you have never seen before. They are only launched during this occasion to serve such purpose only… and if the guests are many in number, they will have the best comfort possible while the rest of the household members are robbed of their beds only to go squeeze into some spare mattress or get a couch somewhere and lie till the visitors depart.

Then as i reflect on all this kind of hospitality that most of us, Africans do maintain… I ask myself,

Why doing all this?

Why should the dwellers get the worst and the strangers get the best?

Is this how love should be? Don’t we start showing love to our neighbours first before we go all the way to the distant people?

The reason most of the people in the society today lack self worth is because they never learned about having one when they were young. They never found it in their homes.

If a child experiences using all the worn out items, only to witness some visitor whom he/she doesn’t know so well getting treated like a royal king in own household  and hence that visitor gets to experience all the best things without earning any of it… then it makes that child think that he/she is of lesser value and worth compared to some strangers.

How do we build our homes like that? How do we build loyalty and trust in our children? How do we prove to our children that we value them if we are treating them like that?

Dear mothers and fathers, and all kinds of guardians…

Please give the best to your children more than you give to strangers and visitors. Stop impressing outsiders for they don’t ever bother to care about you (for they also have their baggage to take care and other people to impress too).

If you’re offering plastic dishes to your kids, then let it be because they are too young and are likely to break the delicate glassy ones. If not, then get them what you would give to your respected guests and more.

Even if you can’t afford the best meals everyday, then do it once in a while, to surprise your household with the best meals, not when the guests are around but without them.

Stop saving the best for last; the strangers. No. Save the best for the ones who are always there for you and with you; your own people, your family.