Birthdays… Should They Be a Big Deal?

Birthdays never meant anything to me until when I was in my teen years. 

In fact I never knew my birth date until when I was in grade seven. 

I recall that day as i was having a random conversation with dad and he asked me if I knew my birth date and I told him I didn’t… and he told me that it was crucial for me to have that date memorized.

I didn’t know why he said so but I obeyed anyways. I later asked mum for my birth certificate so I could get to cram the date i was born and that was it.

I never celebrated birthdays throughout my whole childhood. Neither my siblings. My parents never bothered to remember the dates either. 

And yet I never felt like anything was missing. 

There were a lot of other signs that were used to express love and care by my parents… They would get me things that I needed; like education, protection, good food, fellowship and laughter.

I never knew birthday cakes. I only knew cakes, which I would eat on any other day if I was lucky enough to get any anywhere. 

And I was okay, and I was happy. 

If there is one thing my parents taught us very well was to be content with who we are and what we had and not otherwise. 

They always never gave us everything we wanted but they gave us more than what they had. And so this has had a huge impact in my life to date..

I grew up and eventually had to learn to celebrate my birthday and the birthdays of those that I care about. I went to high school and made friends whose birthdays were celebrated since they were born. They would have pictures of their birthdays when they were 5, 6, 10 year old with a big cake and in a new outfit. 

Some would make a big deal out of it because one had forgotten their birthdays.

All this was a wonder to me. ‘Why would I care if someone didn’t wish me a Happy Birthday??.’ I wondered. But I later chose to open to new things and most importantly to accept love. 

I have a number of cards and good messages sent to me during my birthdays since when I started receiving them in junior high. I recall receiving gifts too… of different forms, some in kind treatments, like an offer to shop for a certain limit of things, food stuff, and other things…

In receiving I learned to give. 

I would also do card and gift exchange as well when it came to my friends’ birthdays… However, this never happened smoothly. Sometimes I would forget, sometimes I would be unable to afford something nicer and sometimes I would just decide to do nothing but send my wish and feel okay.  It’s something that I strive to improve everyday though.

It’s just that I wish I didn’t have to get my people so worked up to celebrate my birthday every year. They don’t have to get me a cake, a champagne or a party. 

I would be equally happy if we just had a phone conversation and you wished me so… Or if we prayed together and thank God with me… Or just have tea together.. Or go for a walk and reflect on things together… And I would be equally grateful..

Few years back, I woke up in the early morning and went to church ( it was my birthday and it fell on Sunday) and as I walked out of church I asked two friends to escort me to a wholesale shop where I bought a number of items and we drove to the Hospital and went on to spend my time of the day with children with Cancer. It was random but awesome and my friends were even more grateful to accompany me on such occasion even when they had no idea what I was up to. 

In 2015, I had a great morning with my then boss lady. She made me a yummiest breakfast, brought me big piece of cake left over from family cake, and then she held my hands and prayed for me and with me… I did weep. Out of joy. 

Another year I did run away from the cake moment at church and drove miles to have dinner with my mum at home. At least on this particular year she remembered the date and tried to do something special… And so I had to honour that… 

So it’s  quite a number  of years down the road so far…

And this time around my birthday found me in South Africa and I was so happy because I knew it would be different.

I thought this time my sister and the rest of the family wouldn’t have to stress .. My sister is the chief of family parties (most times working closely with me😊😉)

Then I thought of my other people… My team who also got worked up to surprise me with a beautiful cake last year… I didn’t want to put them through the same situation this year… And so i thought my absence would make it easy.

I had an awesome day indeed. I did have a great moment in prayer and meditation. I dressed up nicely. I did tie my hair pretty well too. And i went on celebrating myself in all i did as i always do on every other day of my life.

No cake. No party. No gifts. And mum forgot the date again until later after my sister reminded her😂… Still,  I was super happy.

And so…

I am sorry if you happen to be acquainted with me and I forget to wish you a happy birthday…. or I wish you late… Or I send you empty wishes without other surprises or gifts…

I am sorry if I fail to appear on your birthday party for some genuine reasons or for no reason at all but me thinking that my simple wish should be enough.

I just want to tell you that I still care about you and that I celebrate you everyday… Not only on your birthdays… It’s just that I do it differently and I would expect of you to appreciate that.

I am also getting better at it for the person I was before was not as considerate and as thoughtful as the person i am today…

I do get myself worked up from time to time… Especially since God granted me a niece and nephew..

So today as I went to visit my brother and his family…  They got me some ice cream and cake as a mark to celebrate my missed birthday on the 28th July when I was away…

How thoughtful of them…